Self-confidence by definition is ‘a feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s own abilities or qualities’. Therefore as the scope of this article is focused on the problem of having a lacking in self-confidence, then this would equate to ‘a lack of assurance arising from one’s own abilities or qualities’. To phrase it more simply, this means that somebody with low self-confidence does not hold much positive belief in themselves in relation to being able to perform certain behaviours, tasks or actions.
Another type of self-confidence is that of ‘self-esteem’. This is similar but is more attributed to personality traits and so somebody with a low self-esteem does not hold a positive opinion of themselves in relation to being worthy and/or liked and accepted by others. People with a low self-esteem also lack a positive representation of the world around them, often producing negative generalisations.
The difference between self-esteem and self-confidence is that self-esteem is more general and about oneself, whereas self-confidence does not have to be generalised and can be attributed to specific situations and subjects.
The important thing to remember is that we are not born with an abundance of self-confidence. This is a commodity that is grown and developed. If we are lucky then when we were young and growing up, influential and significant others around us would have helped us to cultivate our confidence. We still had to go through the process of making mistakes and getting things wrong, but the response and support around us was positive.
On the other hand, if we were criticised and put down for our mistakes then this would produce a different result. We absorb the negative words used towards us and go on to own them and use them against ourselves.
This takes us on to the subject of self-limiting beliefs. These are deep rooted negative beliefs about oursleves and our model of the world that restrict us from believing in ourselves and limit our possibilities and achievements. These beliefs by their very nature manage to inflict and maintain a lacking in self-esteem or self-confidence. These are usually quite general but can also be specific to certain situations or subjects.
Very often when we have a personal goal or business idea, we will sabotage our chances of success by shutting ourselves down due to one or more statements about a lack of resources. Here are some common examples:
(which are actually limiting beliefs camouflaging a fundamental lack in confidence)
- I don’t have the connections
- I don’t have the energy
- I don’t have the experience
- I don’t have the knowledge
- I don’t have the money
- I don’t have the time
We can also extend these types of beliefs about the type of person that we are:
(these are called identity beliefs)
- I am not a lucky person
- I am an introvert/shy person
- I am not an office person
- I am not a people person
- I am not a reader/writer
- I am not a sporty person
We often view ourselves as unqualified, whereas if you research the lives of highly successful people, you will find that many were also ‘unqualified’ except from the qualifications of desire, determination and resourcefulness.
What causes self-limiting beliefs?
Here are the most common causes to establishing self-limiting beliefs:
- Abuse (including bullying)
- Negative critical talk from friends, parents, siblings, teacher, work colleagues etc.
- Previous failures in a specific situation or subject
- Traumatic events
- Unhealthy perfectionism & competitive traits
It is human nature not to challenge our beliefs as we rather search for more examples by which we can confirm them. Indeed, we are good at distorting our perceptions into evidence to achieve this purpose. Beliefs are not facts but the longer that they remain intact, the more power they have over our behaviours and the harder they may become to change. Furthermore, many beliefs are founded upon early situations and circumstances, and whilst our situations and circumstances have mostly changed, very often our associated and generalised beliefs have not – and that is in essence the concept of limiting beliefs.
Moreover, once a sense of low self-esteem and confidence is in place, it usually influences the person to avoid social interactions, making decisions, trying new things and challenges etc. This then creates a vicious circle as this only helps to serve as a building block onto more negative belief in oneself and so adding to the problem.
As self-esteem and confidence gets weaker, it can also open the door to other negative issues like anxiety and depression. We cannot change our past, but we can change our representation of and response to that past. We can recognise that one of our worst enemies now is not that of others from the past, but in fact ourselves of today.
Just imagine all the things that limiting beliefs may have held you back from experiencing and achieving.
Just imagine what life could be like if you eradicated these from your inner-programming.
Help is Here
Issues with self-esteem and self-confidence can be helped by dissecting and understanding their cause, exploring and addressing any secondary gains and then building back up on a new canvas. My coaching toolbox has a range of applications that I blend together to help people with a low self-image and lacking in self-confidence.
If you feel that you deserve more in life and want to be a stronger person with a good self-esteem and face the world with a greater sense of self-confidence – then please connect with me to discuss how I can help you.
(Here are some other articles that you might find useful in relation to Self-Confidence)
Dating & Intimacy – Goal Achievement – Learning & Exams – Loss & Grief – Peak Performance
Public Speaking – Sales Mastery – Sporting Excellence – Stage Fright – Weight Loss