Memory is a strange thing. I mean we can remember the full name of our first ever boss from many years ago, yet for some reason we cannot remember where we placed our keys a few hours ago!
Memory is also a double edged sword. On the one hand our memories serve us to recall some of the best times of our lives, where we experienced our most happy feelings in amazing places with great people. Then on the other hand it can deliver us with repeated recollections of words and images that make us feel sad and upset. These recollections that result in negative emotional feelings are what we define as bad or distressing memories.
Some memories are more serious whilst others may seem quite trivial, but still seem to affect us none the less. Distressing memories can occur spontaneously for no apparent reason or can be aroused by a certain trigger or stimulus. Memories that cause us distress are usually connected to a past event of hurt or trauma. It seems that however hard we try, we just cannot seem to get them out of our head.
Here are some examples of hurtful bad memories:
- Previous event where an irreversible mistake was made
- Previous negative comment from a friend, family, boss, or partner etc.
- Previous negative expression from a friend, family, boss, or partner etc.
- Previous negative action from a friend, family, boss, or partner etc.
- Previous memories that include shame and/or regret
Here are some examples of more traumatic distressing memories:
- Previous traumatic rejection – triggered by any form of rejective process
- Previous violent household – triggered by hearing raised voices
* For the scope of this article, the term ‘Distressing Memories’ refers to memories that occur in the
waking state and are distressing to a point of producing general discomfort and a lesser quality of life.
For memories that are experienced in the sleeping state, please see this article on Dream Work.
* For specific cases of abuse, please see this article on Abuse.
* For cases where memories are causing more extreme symptoms of distress, including flashbacks,
please see this article on Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PSTD).
* For memories that are causing irrational avoidance of a specific stimuli, you may find this article on
Phobias more relevant.
Furthermore, once we have the bad memory back in our awareness, we then become very good at playing it back to ourselves, over and over. This may be in the form of what we saw, what we heard, or both. Therefore distressing memories serve as a lingering reminder of a previous event to the point where many will avoid similar circumstances in the future (like a mild phobic response). This can be detrimental as while a bad memory could serve as a lesson, it may also restrict otherwise positive aspects of growth in the person’s life, like new relationships or career progression.
Help is Here
If you are experiencing bad or distressing memories that are causing you continued discomfort and are affecting your quality of life, then please connect with me to discuss how I can help you change this. Keep the lesson but dissolve the pain from your bad memories and start to enjoy your life more fully again.