When we consider the title of ‘moving on’ the initial thought is that of moving on in life, usually away from a previous relationship. Whereas this is certainly the most common concept of moving on that I experience in my coaching practise – it is by no means the only one.
Here is a list including other situations where people are faced with moving on:
- Relationships – the most common form of moving on, where a relationship has finally reached the stage of break up. This may be a young couple, but is mostly found in cases of marriage. There can also be cases where the relationship break up is between parent and child, brothers and sisters, or between very good friends.
- Death – this is an extension to the above in terms of losing a relationship and then having to move on from that. However, the dynamics are different here as the missing person is gone forever as opposed to still living their life elsewhere.
- Career – changing career path whether by choice or by force can also prove to be a very difficult transition for people.
- Accidents & illness – another situation is that of where somebody has suffered an accident or illness and is now struggling to move on with their life under new circumstances.
- Moving home – this may be as a result of any of the previously mentioned subjects above or maybe another reason. Some people find it difficult to move on when moving from their old home environment to a new home in a new location.
- Leaving home – this applies to young adults that are faced with leaving the safety and comfort of the family home and find it difficult to transition to the next life stage, which may be college or work. (The client here may also be the parents involved in the situation).
Why is moving on so difficult?
The main reason that moving on is so difficult is that the majority of people need a feeling of certainty. We need to be sure of things and feel anxious about things that are unknown. The very concept of moving on mostly consists of a lack of certainty as we are faced with a new and different future; one that is more unknown than usual. We may also suffer from self-doubt and a lack of confidence in our ability to do what is required to move on. In some relationships or careers, we sometimes view moving on as a mark of failure that we didn’t try harder or longer.
When we move on we are leaving behind a life that we were used to and comfortable in. This may include the environment, people, routines, money, culture. Furthermore, in some situations the move may not be our own choice, and so we feel that it is being forced upon us. An example of this could be where a man gets a promotion job and the family has to move to another country. If another member of the family fails to move smoothly then this can eventually play havoc within the family and the man’s working life will also be affected – which in turn continues in a vicious cycle.
The most devastating parts of moving on are those that deliver both shock and emotional trauma. Examples of this could be an unexpected relationship break up, death of a loved one, or a redundancy from a long and loved job.
How does difficulty with moving on affect you?
The stress attached to moving on can manifest into other issues like anxiety, depression, addictions, eating disorders, obsessions and other negative behavioural patterns. The longer the situation goes on unattended or resolved the worse and deeper the issues become.
Help is Here
No matter what the situation is, the person that is faced with the difficulty of moving on will require as much support as possible. This is best coming from those around them – friends and family etc. but often these can also be a part of the problem.
Coaching offers another angle on the situation as it delivers a space in which to receive counselling from a neutral perspective. My coaching will help you to acknowledge the past, including help with any associated traumas and explore the future with a better sense of hope and purpose.
I myself have a good grounding in moving on. I lost my mother at the age of 15. I moved home out of family care at the age of 16. I have suffered a few sudden job redundancies. I have suffered family and relationship break-ups. I have suffered from betrayal of close friends. I have suffered large financial losses. I have moved to a different country the other side of the world. I have moved on.
The real failure is preventing yourself from moving on when things are not meant to be or are gone altogether. Life is a beautiful gift if you allow yourself to receive it. Life is there for all of us to enjoy. However, this cannot happen if we live paralysed in fear of our future ahead.
If you are finding it difficult to move on in your life, for whatever reason and you want to change that. If you know that you deserve more but don’t see a way to find it – then please be invited to connect with me to find out more about how we could work together on this.